Something you just don't want to hear from your doctor:

"Well that's an eardrum full of puss!"

Hey at least she was upbeat about it, and apparently if I get a sudden loss of hearing that means my eardrum has ruptured! But don't worry, it will mend itself. Good to know, good to know...

Actually, it's not as bad as it sounds. I've become somewhat accoustomed to not being able to hear at all out of my left ear except for this annoying high-pitched internal pressure sound. At least I'm not in actual pain anymore. That is good. Wednesday rehearsal for Viennese was awful because not only was my equilibrium all thrown off by the pressure in my ear, but I was *hurting*!! It was so frustrating to try and dance like that, especially when my polka partner wasn't there and in a smaller practice space... So yeah, I fell into tears afterwards and Jen is so good to me to understand that I wasn't being cantankerous at her specifically but that I was just grumpy in general from the pain. It is awful to be grumpy and then take it out on the people that you love the most. But I guess that's why they love us, because they can see us on the inside, past the grumpy and sometimes mean things we say or do to when we are under stress. That is good. =)

So, what else is going on?
oh my gosh-- *so* much. It's ridiculous. I mean, good. But eep!

Friday afternoon Jen and I went over to Eastside to do the science experiment with my girls! It was so much fun! My girls are absolutely incredible. So precious! I just love them to pieces! In a nutshell, our experiment was testing the effect of pH on growth of mold on bread. So, we put either lemon juice (acidic), water (neutral), milk (basic) or nothing (control) on to three pieces of sourdough bread (complements of the eating club). My botany teacher from last quarter provided us with litmus paper and disposable plastic pipettes, and I snagged a couple of small beakers and nitrile gloves from lab so we were all official! Hehehhe... although, we made fresh lemon juice by squeezing three lemons into one of the beakers, and my girls came up with the brilliant idea of using the pipettes to squirt straight lemon juice into their mouths. Hahhaaha, they are so ridiculous! But they were having a good, silly time, even if it wasn't very good scientific procedure. =P Jen helped me get some good photos.

Then last night there was Bon Bon Ball! It was great to see so many new people getting in to dance. I got to talk with a freshman from Roble, whom I had met when I helped out with the lesson there. She is so cute and energetic and it was so much fun to hear about all her aspirations and to get to encourage her to explore many many things, even though she is undecided about what to do with her life. It feels good to be able to mentor people, and I think that is one of the things that I like about teaching, too. Bon Bon Ball was also fun because the last time I was dancing swing and salsa and all the other fun social dances was at the first Jammix of the year! The floor in the Toyon lounge was reeeally crowded, but hey, dancing is dancing and it is always fun, even if you're down a few toes! =D

I guess that is my update for now... I have two midterms this Tuesday, one on Thursday and one more the following Tuesday that I should get studying for. I am also very tired (having not gone to bed till 2am this morning and waking up at 8:15 this morning for rehearsal... and actually, just never sleeping in general) so I am hoping to catch in a little nap. I feel myself drifting toward the bed...

The future. Ever since I turned in the ICTC application I've been forced to realize that the future is coming, it's coming now and I need to stand up and face it. I'm trying hard not to be scared, but there's something inherently frightening, I think, about standing here.

It's like I'm at the edge of something. I'm looking out to see where to go but there is only one small patch illuminated. I have to jump to get there, not knowing what surrounds that small island of light or what will catch me if fall. "[The Lord] will not let your foot slip-- he who watches over you will not slumber" (from Psalm 121) So I know deep down that God is sovereign over my life and that I cannot slip with him watching over me.

God, I desperately need you to strengthen me. There is still part of me that's screaming as I step back to leap.

Magnificent, Holy Father
I stand in awe of all I see
Of all the things You have created
and still You choose to think of me.

And who am I that You should suffer
Your very life to set me free?
The only thing that I can give You
Is the life You gave to me.

This is my offering, Dear Lord.
This is my offering to You, God.
I will give You my life, for it's all I have to give
Because You gave Your life for me.

I stand before You at this alter
So many have given You more.
I may not have much I can offer.
Yet what I have is truly Yours.

This is my offering, Dear Lord.
This is my offering to You, God.
I will give You my life, for it's all I have to give
Because You gave Your life for me.

Third Day

Apparently, you can die of a broken heart

because Grandpa Jim died two days ago, one week after my grandma died on January 13th. He was my gradma's stepfather (so my great-grandfather), and he was old and sort of falling apart, but definitely not sick. But my grandma was his world. He had moved out to Sacramento from Tucson with her when she moved to be with her son (my uncle) this November. In Arizona, he had been in a nursing home but my grandma was over there often because she would take care of all his finances and go shopping for him and everything.

I remember this story, which makes me laugh: When I was visiting Arizona this summer, Nanny came over to my mom's apartment to ask if I would come with her to Grandpa Jim's. She had gone to Cosco and had a bunch of things to take to him. In particular, she needed my young, strong arms to take up the box of Tide to his room. "It is *very* heavy," she warned me, "a hundred pounds." "A hundred pounds, Nanny?! Are you sure??" "That's what the box says." (You have to imagine her talking in her slight southern drawl, like the way she said 'ferther' just that way.) So I rode with her to Grandpa Jim's, rolled up my sleeves under the Arizona sun, opened the trunk and looked for the box of laundry detergent. Sure enough, there it was, a big 100 right there sittin' on the label. And right there under the '100', in the same bold print was written LOADS. Yes yes, a big ol' cosco box of Tide -- 100 loads! I couldn't help laughing as I picked up all 15 or so pounds, and showed Nanny the label. I think she was embarrassed, but I loved her for it.

Oh Nanny, I really miss you.

I miss the way you talked, I miss the way you smelled. I miss the way you told stories. I miss the way you always had on pink nailpolish. I miss the way you loved me.

Nanny, you were supposed to meet my husband. How can I marry without you being there? How can I know if somebody is right unless you meet him and call him sweetheart that way you do? You were supposed to crochet baby blankets for my children -- I could never do it like you.

I know Grandpa Jim died of a broken heart because he had no reason to live without you, Nanny. But here the world still goes on. God, help me to remember her and to teach my own children to crochet and cook chili and wear pink polish on our nails. I don't take off the necklace you gave me, Nanny.

It was New Year's Eve in Tucson

and I was at Lisa and David's house in the afternoon, baking apples with Lisa for a New Year's Eve get-together they were going to later that evening, and chasing their big ol' friendly, slobbering dog, Stanley, around the living room with Amelia, their 22-month-old loo hoo of a daughter. Around 4:00 my mom called, thinking I had forgotten that I was going to come with her to the airport to pick up her friend, Rosie. Now, the airport is pretty close to her apartment and very direct, but my mom insisted that she always got lost and that she would do much better with me in the car to navigate exactly which two turns to take. So I hustled on back to the apartment and off we went to the airport! Rosie is my mom's friend who recently moved to Florida. I had met her this past summer before she moved because we all went dancing togther. She was apparently coming back to Tucson to visit her father and my mom and hang out for New Year's or something.

Anyways, we're at the airport hanging out in the baggage claim and I'm sorta trying to keep an eye out for her but I can't quite remember what she looks like. Plus I was soon distracted by a sweet New Year's text message from Eric, wishing me a good New Year's Eve. So I was all flushed and 'oh, isn't that sweet' and then lo and behold my phone rings and it is his voice on the phone! The conversation went something like,

Me: *gasp* "halloooo!"
Eric: "Why, hello! Happy New Year's Eve!"
Me: "Thank you, happy New Year's Eve to you too!"
Eric: "What are you doing?"
Me: "I'm actually at the airport with my mom. We're picking up her friend, Rosie."
Eric: "Really? Where in the airport are you?"
Me: "In the baggage claim."
Eric: "What carousel?"
Me: "Carousel five."
****phone gets disconnected*****
Me: *trying to figure out why we got disconnected and calling him back*

THEN

Eric: *turning around the corner of carousel five, walking right toward me.*
Me: *total shock*

What a surprise!
It wasn't Rosie at all! It was Eric! He was really really there in Tucson! I was in such shock that I couldn't even squeal! Eeeep!

Then I looked at my mom and she was in on it the whole, entire time. Oh the things my mother is capable of! Of course, now I can never trust her again! And, *ahem* that goes for the ones of you here on campus who knew about it as well! *cough* Tina *cough, cough* Justin *cough* Bea *cough*. Not to name names or anything. But I can't believe you guys! Most of all, I can't believe my mom had kept that secret for so long. I mean, they had been planning that since the beginning of December. Isn't that crazy! Goodness gracious!

Oh, but it was such a wonderful surprise. I was still in shock for a good 48 hours, but we enjoyed our time oh so much. New Year's Eve was pretty relaxing-- we went out for dinner at a cute little New Orleans-style cafe and then watched a movie at home. Then the next morning we went for a wonderful hike up at Mount Lemon with Lisa and David and Amelia and Stanley. There was snow up there! It was like a winter wonderland. =) We had dinner with them that evening, which was *so* wonderful. In the next couple of days we went to Tombstone and we went dancing at the Maverick and we made a pumpkin pie and went shopping and saw a movie with my brother and went all the way down the end of Broadway to see the desert and it was just so much fun! *yay*

What a wonderful, happy surprise. *contented smile*

***

On a completely different note, right now I am in Chicago, the last day I will be visiting with the Inner-City Teaching Corps here. (See www.ictc-chicago.org) This was an incredible weekend. I can't write about it now because we are about to go to Starbucks to do some work, and there is just so much to say. God is so faithful.

Five Minutes and Counting...

...until I get on the shuttle to the airport and am off on my adventures in Chicago!

In case you hadn't heard (I really thought I told you!), I am going to Chicago to check out a program there called Volunteer Teaching Corps. It's through the Inner City Teaching Corps and this weekend they are having an open house for applicants. Here is a link to their website. I think this will be an awesome opportunity, and I am looking forward to this time and to take time too to be still and listen to where God is calling me. We'll see what this next year will bring...

Goodness, I have so much to write! The last part of winter break was quite surprising, to say the least. Actually I was in shock. In a good way. A good good way. But yes, more on this later. =)

Bye for now! I would definitely appreciate some prayers for a safe weekend and that God would meet me in Chicago and help me to listen and be responsive to Him.